SLROC Forum

This is a pretty neat test, check it out.  This test is based on how cool you were in Secondary School...

.............what crowd you ran with music tastes etc. it's pretty accurate.

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

Same statement applies

Quote from: Cynergy on June 06, 2009, 11:41:43 PM

This is a pretty neat test, check it out.  This test is based on how cool you were in Secondary School...

.............what crowd you ran with music tastes etc. it's pretty accurate.

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

Same statement applies

Please dont tell me you thought that school test was for real!  It / they ARE jokes!!

Sheesh, we've got lumps of it out the back.

You might need to copy and paste the links Dom 

  A little old lady dials 999 and asks for the fire brigade.
When the dispatcher asks what is wrong, she says "five hairy bikers are climbing up a ladder trying to beak in and molest me"
"Don't you mean you want the police?" asks the dispatcher.
"No, says the little old lady - send the fire brigade, their ladder isn't long enough!" 

  > >> Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you
> >> might want to consider this... A husband and wife are travelling
> >> by car from Brisbane to Melbourne .After almost ten hours on
> >> the road, they're too tired to continue and they
> >> decide to stop for a rest.
> >>
> >> They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they
> >> only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the
> >> road.When they check out four hours later, the desk
> >> clerk hands them a bill for $450.00.
> >> The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
> >> high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice
> >> hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $450.00.When the
> >> clerk tells him $450.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on
> >> speaking to the Manager.
> >> The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains
> >> that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge
> >> conference centre that were available for the husband
> >> and wife to use.
> >>
> >> 'But we didn't use them,' the man complains
> >> 'Well, they are here, and you could have,explains the Manager.
> >>
> >> He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the
> >> shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best
> >> entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas
> >> perform here,' the Manager says.'But we
> >> didn't! go to any of those shows, 'complains the man
> >> again.'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the
> >> Manager replies.No matter what amenity the Manager
> >> mentions! the man replies, 'But we didn't use it!'
> >>
> >> The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and
> >> agrees to pay. He writes a cheque and gives it to the
> >> Manager.The Manager is surprised when he looks at the
> >> cheque. 'But sir,' he says, 'this cheque
> >> is only made out for $50.00.' 'That'scorrect,' says
> >> the man. 'I charged you $400 for sleeping with my
> >> wife.''But I didn't!' exclaims theManager.
> >> Well, too bad,' ! the man replies. 'She was here and you could have! 

  A policeman interrogates three blondes who are training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well, uh, thats because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmm - the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspects file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I cant believe it. It's true! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

My wife complains that she will not share the same bed as "me and my smelly bum."

Well, I don't like him sleeping on the street.

As I sat in the living room my 5 year old shouted at me from the back door.

' I can't hear you if you're shouting from outside,' I said.

Again, he shouted back.

'I told you, I can't hear you from there. It's rude to shout. If you want me to hear you, walk into the living room' I replied.

A few moments later my son appeared in the living room.

'Dad, I've got dog poo all over my shoes.'

We in the UK are in DEEP trouble...

The population of this country is approximately 60 million.

32 million are retired.

That leaves 28 million to do the work.

There are 17 million in school or at Universities.

Which leaves 11 million to do the work.

Of this there are 8 million employed by the UK government.

Leaving 3 million to do the work.

1.2 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden, and fighting in Afghanistan.

Which leaves 1.8 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 0.8 million people who work for Local County Councils. And that leaves 1 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 488,000 people in hospitals or claiming Invalidity Benefit.

Leaving 512,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 511,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,

Sitting on your ass,

At your computer, reading jokes.

Is it any wonder that we are in such a mess and that I am stressed out through trying to cope on my own?

I like the concept but the numbers are a tad suspect - 1.2m in the military is way out for a start. The Army is currently at just under 100k, with about 30k TA.

That said there do seem to be an army of MOD civil servants, all happily creating more paperwork and digging deep into the elf and safety legislation to find novel ways to stop us training.

rant mode off....

G.

 

A relevant rant.
It appears to me we cant even look after the men/women we have.

What do you call a Muslim desperate for a drink?

Allah Vabeer

A piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender seems shocked and says, "Mate, we don't serve your kind in here, you'll have to leave."
The piece of rope walks outside, ties himself up and ruffles up his hair.
He walks back in and says, "Can I have a beer please, mate?"
The bartender says, "No worries" and starts pouring the beer. About halfway through, he stops and says, "Hold on... aren't you that piece of rope that just came in here?"
The rope says, "Nah mate, I'm a frayed knot."

The biggest beer producers in the world meet for a conference, and at the end of the day, the presidents of all the beer companies decide to have a drink together at a bar.

The president of Budweiser naturally orders a Bud, the president of Miller orders a Miller, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and so on down the list.

Then the bartender asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and to everybody's amazement, he orders tea!

"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask suspiciously, wondering if they've stumbled on an embarrassing secret.

"Naaaah," replies Guinness. "If you guys aren't going to drink beer, then neither will I."   

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies" he responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" she asked.

"Yes, three males and two Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"

He replied, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."