SLROC Forum

I got 3 points on my licence for driving too slow. The policeman said to me, "It's just as dangerous to drive slow as it is fast." I tried to explain I was only driving the hearse respectfully, but he was having none of it.

I got 3 points on my licence for driving too slow.

I got as far as this and stopped reading as I thought it was another tale of whoe about the tank breaking down

In a recent survey six out of seven dwarfs said they weren't happy.

Someone just threw a lump of cheese at  me!


I thought that wasn't very mature

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what;

metal,

wood,

stone,

Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.


THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted, and t he prince went away sadly.



The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.




The third prince approached. He told the princess,

'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.


She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!


The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.






Question: What was in the prince's pants?












M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

Boy: I think you are ABCDEFGHIJK.

Girl: What does that mean?

Boy: Adorable, beautiful, charming, delightful, elegant, feisty, gorgeous and hot.

Girl: And the 'IJK'?

Boy: I'm just kidding

One day, there was a man who got cursed by a gypsy. The curse was that he could only speak 4 words each year.

One day, he had met a beautiful woman whom he wanted to marry, but he had already used up his 4 words. So he spent the next year courting her, buying her expensive gifts and trying to woo her.

It was finally a year later, and over a candle lit dinner he proceeded to ask her the big question.

'Will you marry me?'

She replied

'Pardon?'

I've just invented a machine that can immediately tell you what condition a painting is in.

It's state-of-the-art technology.

If a man is in the forest, and there isn't a woman around, is he still wrong?